Stop asking for “No Ice”

“No ice, mate.” 

Every bartender has heard this. Every. Single. One. Usually from a certain type of customer. You know the type. You might even be the type. And if you are, brace yourself.

I’m referring to those who order a whisky or a cocktail with a smug little cherry on top of a request. As if they’ve just spotted the magician’s trick. The sleight of hand behind the bar’s cunning pricing strategy.

No ice = more drink, right?

Wrong.

You haven’t hacked the system. You’ve ordered a glass of lukewarm regret.

Ice isn’t a scam. It’s a tool.

Here’s the thing: bartenders aren’t your enemy. They don’t wake up each morning thinking, “How do I dilute this person’s Tuesday?” They’re there to give you the best version of your drink. And that version almost always involves ice.

Ice chills. Ice holds structure, keeps aromatics locked in place, and lets a drink evolve as you sip it. Just ask our Jess. Or consult the Bible. 

Take it away, you’re not getting more for your money. More likely, you’re left with a flaccid puddle of spirits sweating in a glass like it’s on day release from the glovebox of a Vauxhall Astra.

Demystifying dilution

Yes, ice dilutes. But no, it’s not robbing you blind. It’s not a scam. You just have to know how to manage it. Done right, a touch of melt can make a Negroni slicker, a Daiquiri sharper.

Too much leaves you with a sad puddle in a nice glass. Luckily, there are ways to keep dilution on a leash:

– Use plenty of ice. A full glass of ice actually melts more slowly than a few lonely cubes. Less surface area exposed per cube, less frantic melting. Yeah, science.
– Big cubes, clear cubes. Similarly, larger ice melts more slowly. Clear ice (free of air bubbles) also delays dilution. Plus it looks like it has its life together. That’s why bartenders use them. It’s not all for show.
– Stir or shake with purpose. Over-shaking turns your shaker into a snow globe. Stop when it’s cold and blended, not when your arms fall off.
– Pre-chill everything. Cold shaker, cold glass, cold ingredients. The less warming up your ice has to do, the less it melts.

You want ‘value for money’? Then value your bartender’s time.

Bartenders are paid (barely) to care. About balance. About presentation. About how your drink makes you feel.

Think about your job. If someone walked into your place of work thinking they knew how to do your job better than you – particularly someone who hasn’t actually worked in your industry – you’d probably look pretty dimly on them.

Now imagine yourself waltzing in with your no-ice demands. It kinda sounds like: “I don’t trust you to know what you’re doing.” Which is rich, considering you just ordered a Mojito at a pub that still sells scampi fries.

If you’re genuinely worried a bartender is short-pouring you because there’s ice in your glass, then the problem isn’t the ice. It’s the bar. Go somewhere better. 

The whisky argument

Yes, there are whisky drinkers who prefer it neat. In fact, I mostly drink whisky neat.

But sometimes a little whisky on the rocks is lovely. Particularly in hot weather. The fear is that it will “water it down,” right? But whisky doesn’t have a PhD in staying exactly the same. It changes the moment it leaves the bottle. With air. With temperature. With your hand warming the glass while you ramble about that time you went to Islay, “but just for the scenery.”

You haven’t preserved the majesty of the spirit by not plopping ice in it. Whisky changes. It evolves. That’s a good thing. Ice can help a whisky evolve into something better*. A whisky bottled at a big ABV, for example, can need a little cooling off to unlock some of the more delicate flavours getting a bit lost in the shouting.

A splash of water or a single cube of ice is a perfectly acceptable way to drink whisky. If you don’t like it, that’s fine. But the level of disdain some people hold for ice in whisky becomes so dramatic that Brian Blessed would think they’re overdoing it. 

Obviously, there’s a limit

Before anyone says it, I’m aware some bartenders are heavy-handed with the ice. Like those restaurants that make burgers impossible to pick up (if you have to eat it with a knife and fork, it’s no longer a burger, it’s a hot mess), you do get drinks so full of ice you end up getting a face full of cube every time you sip.

Dr Nick has already had this out on the blog. So if the above resonates with you, check it out. But the headline is: moderation is key.

If you don’t want ice, that’s fine. But don’t think you’ve cracked the code.

Order it your way. Of course. Taste is subjective yada yada.

Just stop treating bartenders like adversaries. No, they’re not gods of all things boozy and drinkable. Some are good, some are bad. But nobody is trying to gatekeep your precious 50ml. They’re not conning your cocktail. Most are genuinely trying to give you something good. Something balanced, refreshing. Perhaps even transcendent. Ice usually helps. 

So, go ahead. Drink how you like to drink. But stop acting like ice is the enemy. It’s just frozen water, mate – not a Ponzi scheme.

*But not a whisky stone. Never a whisky stone. I’m open-minded, not a sociopath.

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