Is It Rude to Request Specific Timing for Wine Service at Restaurants?

There are two main approaches to dining at a restaurant. The first, deference, is the one most often observed by servers in the industry: guests who come in and immediately get to work asking questions, from how many dishes to order and which ones, to what wine they should drink, by the glass or by the bottle. The alternative, decisiveness, albeit less common, is often equally welcomed by servers: guests who’ve not only looked up the menu online ahead of time, but planned the cadence of their meal down to the choice and timing of their digestif. Perhaps they want a crisp bottle of Chenin Blanc to start, poured just as the first appetizers arrive, followed by glasses of a Bordeaux already breathing by the time the steak hits the table.

So if you prefer to set the pace for your meal, is it rude to ask a sommelier to accommodate your highly specific timing requests? VinePair asked Kenny Toll, beverage lead at Brooklyn’s Cafe Mado and Tira Johnson, beverage director at Upper East Side heavyweights Sushi Noz and Chez Fifi how to best approach the situation.

“Obviously, certain wines should be had with certain dishes and asking for your choices at specific times makes total sense,” Toll says. So while this kind of direction from diners is perfectly acceptable and at times even refreshing for servers and sommeliers, there is an art to communicating your wants upfront that makes the evening run more smoothly for everyone.

“I love when guests are specific about timing requests, instructions on the bottles, and preferences,” Johnson adds. “What is important is to communicate this before the dinner or right at the beginning so the sommelier can communicate that with the server, kitchen, and management before so everything is planned accordingly.”

And while it’s not rude, per se, to ask for specific timing, Johnson notes that guests should also be mindful that there is a considerable amount of planning involved in making such requests possible. This includes “ensuring that there is enough room on the table for stemware, prepping bottles ahead of time, allowing sommeliers to fire each course accordingly, and letting the front door know that turn times will be longer at that table so they can replan the next seating,” according to Johnson.

Toll echoes this sentiment, offering that “the best way to approach a somm or server is to be kind and honest about what you would like and when you’d like it.” However, he urges guests to “keep in mind that there could be upwards of 10 or more tables that also need assistance. While we never want to rush you, there may also be another reservation behind you. So asking to open and decant a bottle at the two-hour mark of the meal may be tricky.”

At the end of the day, it’s a sommelier’s job to ensure that guests have a good experience, which often means tailoring the meal to meet diners’ specific needs and desires. Confident dining is not only welcomed, but encouraged, as long as diners are respectful of the limitations that may apply to their requests.

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