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Ask Joanna: Is It Rude to Order a Drink for My Date Without Asking What They Want?

Ask anyone born after 1950 and they will likely tell you that dating has changed a lot in the last 40 years or so. (My parents, both born in 1953, have been married for 45 years, so I’m using these dates as my reference points.) In many instances texting potential admirers has replaced talking on the phone, and dating apps have replaced personal ads. Maybe two people meet up for an activity versus one person picking up the other. And if you do get to a place in your courtship where you’re going out for a drink or a meal, I’d like to assume that today, each person orders for themselves.

So might it be considered rude to order a drink for your date without asking what they want first? The answer here is yes, of course that’s rude — can you imagine having your heart set on a super- dry, super-cold Martini and someone orders you a Cosmo? But I’m sure there’s more nuance to this situation, right?

Maybe in the run-up to this date you’ve discussed your mutual affinity for a particular wine so it might seem like a thoughtful gesture to order it for both of you. Or maybe the bar you’re going to is known for a specific cocktail — something you’ve both talked about wanting to try — and you thought you’d take the liberty of ordering two. Or maybe the person you’re on the date with is your partner of five or 10 or 45 years and ordering for them just makes sense. In these instances I can see it maybe being OK to just go ahead and decide what they’ll have. But even still, it might come off a little rude.

If, on the other hand, there’s been no previous discussion of taste preferences or mutual desire to try something, then ordering for your date without asking them is not only rude, but pretty presumptuous and could be taken the wrong way. (Please don’t argue it’s chivalrous, it’s not.) You might think you know drinks better than them, but until someone asks for your recommendation or help picking out a beverage — or anything for that matter — best to let your date order for themself.

The article Ask Joanna: Is It Rude to Order a Drink for My Date Without Asking What They Want? appeared first on VinePair.

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