5 of the Most Shockingly Bad Guinness Pours We’ve Seen Online
In the grand scheme of things, pouring a good Guinness isn’t that hard. (That is not to diminish the deft skill of most Guinness-pouring bartenders, by the way.) While, yes, it requires some finesse with the two-pronged pull and the waiting period between each part, the learning curve to a nice pour of the Irish stout really isn’t too steep.
But by the looks of Instagram pages @shitlondonguinness and @upsettingpints, you’d think pouring Guinness is the toughest feat to conquer. For some of these piss-poor pints, it seems like the bartender tried, just not hard enough. Others, however, make us wonder if the pourer had ever taken a sip of Guinness at all. But all the posts leave us with questions (mostly how and why) and with relief that we didn’t have to encounter such a monstrosity in real life.
So, here are five of the worst Guinness pours we’ve ever seen — because if we had to lay eyes on them, so do you.
The Trypophobia
@shitlondonguinness on Instagram
Do you suffer from trypophobia? If so, we’re sorry you had to see this. From cold foam-laden lattes to a whipped cream-topped vermouth, froth on beverages is one of the most popular trends right now. But we doubt whoever poured this pint was trying to emulate that fad here. Beyond the uber-bubbly head, this pint isn’t all too bad, but, as Apicius said, “We eat with our eyes first,” and this is not a sight for sore eyes.
Headless Guinnessman
@upsettingpints on Instagram
The Headless Horseman is a classic horror story — much like this headless Guinness. The thick, white head atop jet-black liquid is the single most important part of the Irish stout, so we have to wonder if the person who poured this had ever seen a proper Guinness before. Aside from the thin layer of foam at the very top, there isn’t any semblance of a head here. We’re sorry to the drinker who received this pint, as we’re certain it was impossible to split the G.
Cup Runneth Over(done)
@shitlondonguinness on Instagram
This pint has multiple things going wrong. First, the head is way too thick. Upon first sip, you should be getting both froth and the actual liquid, not just a mouthful of the fluff. Second, those bubbles on the side of the glass either signal that the glass wasn’t clean (dust and other debris in glassware leads to bubbles lining its surface) or that the quaff is too carbonated (the majority of the gas in Guinness should be nitrogen). Lastly, the webbed look of the froth gliding down the glass is quite unappealing. We love when glasses are chock-full of liquid — our cups runneth over! — just not in the way it’s done here.
Is It Coke?
@shitlondonguinness on Instagram
Apart from the logo on the glass, we would have no clue this was Guinness. The abundant bubbles on the side and thick ones in the head tell us that this Guinness is way over-carbonated. Honestly, it looks like a glass of Coca-Cola. As you may know, the gas that gives Guinness most of its texture is nitrogen. While there should be a bit of carbon dioxide in each pint, this one looks like it would tingle on the tongue. With the robust, roasted flavors of the stout, we wouldn’t want that feeling at all. To be fair, this might have been poured from a can, but if so, whoever poured it did not leverage the widget properly.
Milk With a Side of Guinness
@shitlondonguinness on Instagram
This one rattles us to the bone. Whoever poured this knows the two-part pull — but doesn’t quite understand how to execute it. Remember the retro Tootsie Pops commercial that asks how many licks it takes to get to the lollipop’s center? The same can be applied here: How many sips will it take to get to the actual beer? What probably happened here is that the pourer didn’t tilt the glass, which is typically advised to ease the liquid into the vessel as it dispenses from the spout to prevent too much froth. We’ll extend some grace though, since it was definitely easy to split this G.
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